Prison Vocab

Below is a list of common prison terms and some other unusual prison tidbits.

• Spread -- A spread is a meal prepared by a group of inmates. A trash bag is usually filled with 4 to 5 Ramen Noodles packages, diced summer sausages, dehydrated refried beans, beef or chicken sometimes stolen by the kitchen workers, Louisiana Hot Sauce, and whatever else the group might prefer. Boiling water is then added to the mixture and the trash bag is tied closed and encased in newspaper to keep the heat in. After about 5 minutes the trash bag can then be untied and carefully torn open to provide a perfect eating surface. Not until you pour the melted cheese over the top through. College kids everywhere should give it a try. You'd be surprised.
  
  
• Fifi (French Whore) -- A device used to simulate sex with a woman. It is usually made by rolling a trash bag inside of a towel. The excess plastic is then folded back and over the outside of the towel and secured in place by several rubber-bands at different intervals along its length. A cup of lotion is then heated and squirted generously inside of the inmate's new toy.

• A Drop -- Is a package being delivered outside of the prison walls for an inmate on an outside work crew to pick up and smuggle back in. Most drops consist of a can of Bugler tobacco, rolling papers, Vaseline, Syran Wrap, and whatever drug that inmate might prefer. Loose tobacco was the norm because shoving a whole cigarette up your ass without breaking it has to be impossible.

• Keister Bunny -- The person packing his ass. This term isn't reserved for the people bringing the contraband into the place either. Many inmates keep their anal cavities packed as it is the last place correction's officers usually search for banned substances and items. The announcement of "Full-Body Cavity Searches" sent most of the bunnies scrambling from the day-room with the quickness.

• Mule -- See Keister Bunny

• Canteen/Commissary -- Items sold to inmates by the state. This includes everything from Ramen Noodles to New Balance and Televisions.
  

• Store -- An inmate runs a store. This means his cell is usually packed with excess amounts of canteen. The merchant prisoner usually charges two for one. The prison system refers to this as bartering and it is not permitted.
  

• Rollie -- A rolled tobacco cigarette. When papers aren't available the note section of state-issue Bibles are the usual substitute. Individual rolls of toilet paper are also encased in a waxy form of paper which could also be used. A rollie generally ran you from a $1 to a $1.50 worth of canteen.

• Taylor-Made -- A whole cigarette as you would find in a pack. A rarity in prison. (I explained why already. ) These generally ran you $3 bucks a piece and were most high in demand when of the menthol variety.

• Snitch -- Anyone who rats someone out for something. Whether it occur inside the prison walls, in the court room, or behind closed doors at the police station.
  

• Dry-Snitch -- Someone who rats another person out unintentionally or through more clever means. For instance...Picture two men about to get into it over a bad tobacco transaction. They head to a location where the beef can be handled. One of these inmates begins running his mouth, calling out the other inmate, but in such a manner as to draw attention from "The Man". This of course halts the confrontation before it can get ugly.

• The Man -- Just like the Police, Prison Officials are referred to as The Man.

• Hooch -- Fermented bread and fruit which is held in a trash-bag until it becomes alcoholic. The smell alone is generally enough to keep most inmates from trying to brew their own.

• Chow -- Dinner, Lunch, and Breakfast. They are all Chow.

• Cho-Mo -- A child molester. The most hated person in prison. More than snitches or cops believe it or not.

• Tree-Jumper -- A child molester. In Colorado they were housed at the Fremont facility to protect their lives. We referred to it as Treemont.

• Baby-Raper -- A child molester. I could probably come up with a few more names for these pricks, but I'l leave it at three and with this note: I once saw one get his wig split by a tube-sock weighted with Irish Spring. A one-hitter-quitter that likely served him as good as castration. Prison justice can be beneficial at times.

• The Yard -- Where all the inmates get to play. All the "good" inmates anyway.

• Punk -- Someone who takes it up the ass.

• Bitch -- Someone who takes it up the ass.

• Ho -- Someone who takes it up the ass. Which means if you call someone any of those, you should be prepared to fight.

• The Bootie Flu -- AID's/HIV

• Moist -- As in "You're Moist". You know, soft as hell.

• Peckerwood -- A racist white bastard.

• Race Traitor -- The Peckerwoods most hated enemy.

• Lean -- Those from Texas already know what I'm talking about to a degree, but the term Lean in prison referred to Sucrettes. You could order the cough drops on canteen and then melt them down in your miniature crock-pot. After allowing to cool a bit, the medicine can then be drank down providing an adequate buzz very familiar to that of Hydrocodone. They banned the Sucrettes just before I was paroled.

• Cap -- A cap always referred to the lid of a Chapstick. This was used as a measuring device for marijuana and always cost you $25 a pop. The joints people would roll would be no more than an inch and a half in length, but Colorado bud is all good so there were never any worries about whether or not you'd get high.

If you have any words to add to the list, please drop a comment and I'll gladly include it.