Felonious Ramblings

Asspiring Burglar now a Darwin Award Candidate

Rarely does a thief get more unlucky than this guy! While trying to break out of the East London Museum, scared by the alarm he accidentally triggered, this guy slipped from a tree he was climbing and sheethed an iron fence post with his asshole. The screams of the man echoed around the museum (who [...]

Cocaine is a Helluva Drug

by Jennifer Abel
Advice for aspiring criminals looking to reduce the opportunity costs of time spent in prison: if you’re given a choice between selling drugs or murdering a young woman, choose murder so you’ll get a shorter prison sentence. Consider the example of Robert Chambers, the so-called “Preppie Killer” who in 1986 strangled Jennifer Levin [...]

A Monster Fed by Ignorance, Corruption and Paranoia

The US government succeeds in over 90 per cent of its prosecutions, which indicates that the system is a stacked deck. US criminal justice is based on the plea bargain, which is essentially the exchange of immunity or a reduced sentence for inculpatory perjury against targeted people. It is an evil and repulsive system based on intimidation, suborned falsehoods, and impoverishment. Irish, British and Canadian prosecutors using these tactics would be disbarred.

Bank Robber Uses Own Check in Robbery

Dumb Criminal story of the day comes from:

ENGLEWOOD, Colo. –A man robbing a bank demanded the money by writing a note on one of his own checks, authorities say. Not surprisingly, he was caught soon afterward.

Forest Kelly Bissonnette, 27, apparently tried to cover his name on the check, then handed the note to a teller [...]

Counting Shaun, 20 Prison Characters Who All Likely Have Stories to Share

This story goes to show that the poor aren’t the only people getting locked up (I’m not counting white-collar offenders, they end up at country club-like prisons), humor can be found in any situation, and that some jails (specifically the county jail ran by Sherrif Joe Arpaio where people who haven’t even been prosecuted are subjected to entirely inhumane conditions) need to be inspected by health officials and human-rights activists alike.